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About Deviant Artist JunozMale/Australia Recent Activity
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Rum and 5 Gum :iconjunozpp:JunozPP 0 0
Dreams of Self-Assurance
I didn't realise I was wasting my time
Through dreams of self-assurance
I thought things would turn out fine
I didn't understand I was just digging a hole
And that every shoveled heap was a piece of my soul
Or maybe in reality I still don't know me
And this confidence and charisma was an attempt at being free
I still lack direction despite my future looking bright
But it seems the brighter the end of the tunnel
The less the end is in sight
So I'm trying to find some shade that I might figure out my head
But it's hard to find morale in a heart made of lead
So my head's in the clouds and my heart's on the floor
And I can still hear eternity knocking on my door
How do people do this daily? I can't do it anymore
Those people must be crazy; I'm just tired and sore
But.. with that in mind, I feel better
I don't love living any less
And I've never felt like giving up
I think I just need a little rest
:iconjunozpp:JunozPP 3 0
Growing Accustomed To
I always felt like I was king of the castle
Being insecure was just too much of a hassle
I wonder all the time if this life is gonna last long
And I wanna write each song as if it was the last one
I wouldn't mind if I died, in a funny way
But I'd give it up to live and see a sunny day
And giving up death doesn't seem like a sacrifice
But giving up life would just be fucking bad advice
I'm still finding out just what I've got to live for
And every day makes living seem worth more and more
I'm not afraid of death anymore
But I'm getting more accustomed to feeling a little insecure
:iconjunozpp:JunozPP 1 0
Far Away
Why do you seem so far away?
We used to see each other every day
Even when we had nothing to say
We always seemed to find a way
And now I find myself missing your face
I try to text, but always reply too late
So I just sit in the darkness with the guilt and hate
I don't feel like talking in any case
My smokey mouth puts words to waste
So much that I wish my tongue could convey
Though the heart may be willing, the mind is too baked
I don't know if it's your call my name
But I know that you're close; I'm the one who's far away
:iconjunozpp:JunozPP 1 0
I don't feel alive
You're lying next to me and I know that if I pass out
Neither of us will remember this in the morning
And I needed to share that with the both of you
Because no one else would understand the music calling
I don't feel alive until I'm bargaining with death
And you'll be lucky if it's alcohol you're smelling on my breath
My throat's been fucked for weeks and I can't feel my back
The price you pay for making each weekend the best you ever had
Some people say that happiness is having no regrets
But if Monday wasn't fucked then you'd have nothing to compare it against
And the city wakes up this morning overcast, humid and hungover
It's past nine in the morning and I'm surprised that I'm still sober
Smoke begins to billow from mouths like townhouse chimney pots
But it's this smokey townhouse home that's the reason I'm still lost
I told you to look after me, don't let me go too far
Because you're the only ones that understand just the way things are
And it saddens me to see ourselves throwing
:iconjunozpp:JunozPP 0 0
Faults in my Disguise
When I wrote this song
I stayed up late alone
It's not about you
Unless you want it to
Though it might not be the truth
The lessons of my youth,
I'll take them to my grave
'Cause I feel like shit
And this is my limit
And every choice I make
Is keeping me awake
The lost look in your eyes
Has helped me realise
That you've found faults in my disguise
It's a simple update
That I have seen so late
And now you're all grown up
The girl I used to love
And I just can't believe
That I couldn't see
The girl that you're supposed to be
It's not like it matters now
I've found my peace somehow
And I'm just glad to know
That you're not alone
And after all of this
The one thing that I'll miss
Is those nights when you'd call
And we'd say nothing at all
When I wrote this song
I stayed up late alone
It's not about you
Unless you want it to
Though it might not be the truth
The lessons of my youth,
I'll take them to my grave
:iconjunozpp:JunozPP 0 0
I'm the reason that I missed all your calls
And I never really missed you at all
You know it's my trademark to run and hide
But I'm sorry I never told you goodbye
There are things I never said that you shouldn't know
There are times when I should have left but didn't go
It's not like I didn't think; I just didn't care
I had my reasons, but that doesn't make it fair
You said I had to cremate you with your vinyl
Despite believing that living is futile and death is final
You told me that no one but me could understand
I lay there wishing someone else was holding your hand
But not because I didn't want to be involved
Before staying with you, I had my own issues to resolve
Pen and paper may not count as a confession
But I promise that I'll try to learn this lesson
I know I let your down with my last promise, Maddy
This time I hope that you can finally be happy
:iconjunozpp:JunozPP 0 0
Finding Home
I'm walking past the housos
With sweat dripping from my face
And blood running down my leg
But I can't feel a thing
Save the warmth of the hand of a friend
This suburb is changing, inflating
Dying of a heart filled to bursting
But it really lost its soul
The day they knocked down that house
We're losing each other
Trying to find ourselves
Before the light of our hometown
Goes out
I always thought these alleyways
And street lights would see my best days
Instead I've managed to walk these roads
In a whole heap of messy ways
Never thought I'd leave this place
I thought I'd stay here till I died
But now, torn, alone and struggling
My home leaves me behind
We're hiding in the bush again
Caught smoking in the park
I promised myself "never again"
But now that promise makes me laugh
My body is a temple with a fireplace inside
And every body with a chimney
Needs a quiet suburb in which to hide
Now I'm moving to a better place
With people that I've known for years
But I'm not letting go of anyth
:iconjunozpp:JunozPP 1 2
Lyrical Allure
Helping you feel this way
Doesn't make me feel that much
Better about myself
But I'm lost in this melody
And I can feel you holding on to me
So, for the first time in a long time,
Oh well!
I'm looking for a sign
'Cause this feels like betrayal
But I kinda hope the message
Got lost in the mail
More and more I find myself
Lost in your bed
And your face won't get out of my head
You've got such an obsession
With this chord progression
And I've been using this music
To get your attention
I really wish you hadn't mentioned
This personal tension
That's tearing us apart
I've been trying to work out
What goes on in your head
But your angle's so elusive
I'm lost in mine instead
Neither of us are in this
For treasure or glory
But I know I'll find pleasure
Just telling this story
I don't want this to be over
But I know it's for the best
And I'll never speak your name
As my female conquest
Don't tell me you're sorry
'Cause, babe, I feel the same
And I know we'll probably do this again
You've got su
:iconjunozpp:JunozPP 1 0
Hello, hello Sundays
Hello, hello friends
Hello precious memories
Hello once again
And if I can't be with you
Just know I miss your face
I miss your gorgeous voice
I miss your warm embrace
I miss watching the sunrise
The brown and gold in your eyes
And it sounds suspiciously like
I think I'm falling in love with the good times

Goodbye, goodbye feelings
Goodbye, goodbye taste
The air is swirling ashes
Falling at a leisurely pace
A season of safety in sunlight
Never put to waste
When sleep is for the weak
Save it for another day
I miss watching the sunrise
The brown and gold in your eyes
And it sounds suspiciously like
I think I'm falling in love with the good times
And out of all the days in my life
After all the pain and all the strife
It sounds like I just might
Be falling in love with the good times

And it seems to be so quickly
That everyone goes away
Hugs and forehead kisses
I'll see you on another day
:iconjunozpp:JunozPP 2 2
Floating On
When I was young
I thought that floating on
Was a pleasant way
To go about this,
But consistency,
What it means to me
Is being happy
Without complacency.
I thought I was alright
I thought I was fine
But it all came crashing down
All I loved and that was mine
And suddenly
It was clear to see
What it means to me
To be me.
I know that it's my fault
I know the blame is mine
I should have seen it coming
The boy was visible for miles
But when you stand with me
And sing along so cheerfully
I feel free.
You said I was alright
Just "falling with style"
But I swear I could fly
Every time I see you smile
And not just because you were right
This time.
And it's killing us
This human lust
Of flesh and of blood
And it won't get any easier
Until you try hard, my son
But you know
That it won't be the same tomorrow.
You said we were alright
You said we could fly
You said that I can't just
Keep floating on by
And I know
That you're right.
:iconjunozpp:JunozPP 1 3
Red Ink
Her notepad is blood-stained
With ink that cries "help"
Smears of emotion on paper
Like eyes bleeding mascara
The words sting like every scratch
Irritated by salty tears
They don't mean what they say
But they ooze with passion
Trickling down the page
Metaphors of deep yearning
For something more than this
Pain is a muse; inspiring
Entirely encompassing
Poetry is a knife
As well as a bandage
:iconjunozpp:JunozPP 0 2
I wish that I could shake this feeling
That everybody's eventually leaving
Is this another reaction to emotional concealment
Or am I still growing up, learning, teething?
I'm still young: soon this won't even have meaning
For now, should I just be content that I'm still breathing?
Fuck that, I'm sick of this existential grieving
I'm in a mood, all in my head, pissed off and seething
I wish that I could verbalise the way I see things
But sometimes I can't even tell if my heart's still beating
So just before I start to lose my shit completely
Let me just confirm once and for all that life is fleeting.
And just before you and I have our first meeting
I'd like to say thanks
'Cause after all these years, you're still reading.
:iconjunozpp:JunozPP 2 3
Smeared Youth
I want to be submerged
Under water and incoherent
But totally over it
And away from all this
Morale-fraying tension
This adulthood has lost me
I forgot that free minds
Breed all the feelings
That drew all the blood
That made our youth a mess
Being a teenager would
Inevitably show me that
Nobody escapes the cliches
Not even me - and now
I realise in retrospect
That we were all equally
Fucked up teenagers
It's just that the only ones that
Are really still alive are
The ones with the scars to prove it
But I still believe
That that's a happy ending.
:iconjunozpp:JunozPP 1 0
Wasted Nights
Cigarettes and drunken fights
Illicit pills and flashing lights
You won't get the best of me
You wasted nights
You're not my addiction
Yeah, I'll be alright
When wasted nights
Become wasted years
Brutal comedowns
Are temporary tears
Because it's worth the deflation
It's worth all the fear
For those few manic hours
When there's no one else here
No, I'm not interested
In your moral compass
And I don't give a damn
About your ethics and rules
I don't think you're a poison
And I don't think you're a fool
But after all, I'm not in this
Because my friends think it's cool
I've just always been looking
For a much hotter fuel
These tattoos and burns
Are a reminder to me
That it all comes at a cost
None of this is free
If we count all the lines
And marks that leave us frail
None of us are role models
We're all just cautionary tails
:iconjunozpp:JunozPP 2 0
The Way You Wanted
They wait for you
With arms out wide
You shut them down
You’re walking tall
But still wondering when you’ll fall
And you shut down
So how does it feel
To do everything the way you wanted to?
Is this what you wanted for you?
And how does it feel
To have everything that you wanted?
Is this what I wanted too?

It’s catching up
You’re feeling so fucked up
You keep it quiet
Your series of white lies
About how you’re doing fine
Because you don’t wanna be that guy
And you’re all alone
And you can’t ever go back home
It’s just so wrong
And no one knows
Even though you tell them so
So you wrote this song
So how does it feel
To do everything the way you wanted to?
Is this what you wanted for you?
And how does it feel
To have everything that you wanted?
Is this what I wanted too?

Well you’re not alone
And it’s hard to see, I know
Those tears won’t fall
No, not now, not at all
:iconjunozpp:JunozPP 1 0


Always, Words
To the boy scribbling manic in the back of the bar:
I used to live for your words until I realized
Your words couldn’t save me.
They can barely save you.
I wanted to write out the frenzied panic
That we might refine our camaraderie
But the panic remains entangled.
Long distance wires that criss and cross,
Cigarettes that blaze long into night,
Floating within me, warm like whiskey.
To the stranger in the back of the bus:
I used to read for you.
With your manic ramblings and your torn soul,
Pulling me into your symphony.
You embodied wild curls and passion,
Bright lights fizzling into brighter mornings,
And I wanted to love you, so I did.
To the drunken boy I can’t connect to:
I've wanted to write you a thousand times,
But the words get stuck
In ways the whiskey can’t unravel.
I used to live for your words until I realized
My words couldn’t save you.
All they could provide was refuge.
But we can’t keep running,
So I stopped, and for a long time,
I wasn
:iconrebel-brat:rebel-brat 1 0
i want you to get together
he grooves to a beat
i cannot resist
with steps
i cannot keep up with.
i think back to the rooftop views
two kids on top of a dome
where we shared a universe
back when i was whole
he moves in a language
suffocatingly sexy
speaking in tongues i
cannot understand
and he's st germain
while i'm tom waits
irreparably incomprehensible
but here i sit aching
because i speak in riddles
he cannot comprehend
with touches designed
to beguile and entice
but with each smile i back away
leaving a trail of
confusion in wake
but the truth i embrace
is one that's been coming
the tides of time keep
he grooves to a rhythm
that's faster than mine
and i'm my own sun but
he's sparks
:iconrebel-brat:rebel-brat 1 1
i'm so tired
of the same vacant stares
loving blindly
without reason
and i'm aware
(trust me, i am)
what love should be
but i'm so tired
of the same vapid lines
spewed out because
maybe love isn't supposed to be
tormented souls and torrential tears;
i get it.
i'm trying to get it.
but the tiredness aches because
i was so invested
and i'm tired of being involved
one sided and caring
i want someone to relieve me
of the burdens that come from
trying too hard
and i'm aware
of these two way streets
and smouldering stares;
shrugging you closer
but it's more than i can bear
and i'm tired
of these dreams
endlessly reaching for something more
that makes no sense
and it's painless
and painful
all at once-
and maybe i'm just trying to feel.
:iconrebel-brat:rebel-brat 2 2
white noise
this is not a love poem
a quiet reminder
scribbled in the spaces
between dreams and waking
that the reasons I love you
are still inked on my skin.

my heart has four chambers -
one of them is probably a radio station.
love songs don't come as easily
as anthem rock and afternoon blues,
but transatlantic static never stopped my poetry.
humans aren't quite made for long drives, we like
pit stops and motels clean as they come,
and switching in between stations
but once in a while we like to make road trips
to that place where the crickets can sing.
and in these moments I remember
that screaming at satellites
only brings me back to echoes -
you are
the white noise in my life,
quiet and constant,
filling in my empty spaces.
:iconneonsquiggle:neonsquiggle 36 16
i hope it was drama-free enough for you
as i left, all smiles and waves
saying goodbye even as i saw you kiss my friend.
last night i remembered
the roar of your passion the night i surrendered;
and our first date is a surreal memory
replaced by twisted barbs
and i hope i was quiet enough for you
each time i breezed by,
quietly ignoring your memory
like you'd never traced the planes of me with your digits
like i'd never seen you tremble
like we'd never tasted the tongues that yelled those words.
i could never go back to that time again,
but it was a round about.
seeing you in the room you asked me out.
and i was aware of you
as you knew i would be
because i'm always on the look out for you:
the man who gave me back my self respect
and you were all drama and lust;
the reasons i fell -
boyish grin hiding wolfish heart
so i left
all charming waves and happy smiles
because it was 1a.m. and i no longer needed.
no longer wanted.
no longer yearned.
:iconrebel-brat:rebel-brat 3 3
Portrait Practice 6 by 0x4fffwhite Portrait Practice 6 :icon0x4fffwhite:0x4fffwhite 6,085 295
for a long time, we were middl
for a long time, we were middles.
winter leaves
with piteous cries
and the leaves rustle
with the hope of leaving.
september passed
in a haze of
absolut lust
and i grew used
to the southern comfort.
vancouver beckons
with his Burton tees
and i stole his smile;
the way he stole my heart.
you wrote cliches
that weren't cliches once
two times
upon a train
and i took my greyhound
with a video camera
imagining that this
was what you saw.
life happens
and truth creeps in
and we lived the middles
we couldn't write
ran out of words
a long time back
and i can't be her anymore.
stuck. stolen. saved.
and you say
it feels like a conclusion...
for a long time, we were middles.
:iconrebel-brat:rebel-brat 2 1
Mature content
The Art of Redemption :iconblackdahlia911:blackdahlia911 7 3
i will let you go
even as i feel the burn in my lungs
i will breathe you out
and you will disappear
as smoke always does
into the horizon.
i will dance away the sadness
in the time-honored
old fashioned way of
drinking away your sorrows
and i'll wake up hollow
but happy.
i will breathe the whiskey
like i down the smoke
so that my body is lust
and dust
and particles dripping
with absolut truth
and you will love me
with that drunken smirk
the sort of love that lasts
until the sunrise
then disappears into
courteous handshakes
because nobody can love the reality
when we've grown up
being fed a diet of
and bored
and i'll smoke you out
so that my pleas of help
and hope against it all
that you could be my hero
and will try
to catch the mist.
:iconrebel-brat:rebel-brat 3 6
Take Another Pill
When I was just a child
About twenty years back
I never would have thought
I would turn out like that
Or indeed like this
If I speak in the present tense
I guess I’m tense in the present
If that makes any sense
When I was at the mercy
Of the medical profession
They told me I was suffering
With clinical depression
And tapestries woven this tight
Into such an infant mind
Would be difficult to unspool
Unthread and leave behind
When I was just a boy
Around ten or so years back
I fell into a deep hole
But it felt more like a trap
I couldn’t get out of there
In fact I’m stuck here still
And all anyone can do
Is to prescribe another pill
:iconcloudnumber8:CloudNumber8 129 73
i fell in love with the way
you spelled my name.

you said it like it could be
one day, and
you smiled like it was so easy
for you to leave me
it was.
i fell in love with the way
you said "perfect"
whenever i got a question right.

you let your eyes light up
as you grinned with pride and
you let me
in the heartbeats that defined us
like we were worth
    the promise of
we were.
i fell in love with the way
you kissed me first.

you held me close and
you didn't wait for the planets
to grant us
    conventional romance,
and you fell into me like it was
    first nature
to have me breathe you in.
it was.
i fell in love with the way
you used to brush your limbs against mine

you let the
race through my skin and
you teased me on purpose,
until I could almost believe
we were something
that would last longer
    than a
    love song.
we were.
i fell in love with the way
you laughed
:iconneonsquiggle:neonsquiggle 10 6
13 things i want to admit.
it always amazes me
each year
that you call.
always. on the dot
to ring in the new years.
pun intended.
the last two beginnings
have been lonely.
2013? not so much.
i'm almost happy,
i think.
but then i realize
happiness is created,
much like art
according to Charles Bukowski.
the three months i spent in DC
were the most magical times of my life
and i never wanted it to end
so i ended it
truth be told,
i'm a terrible friend
and a terrible person.
i'm not saying it to make excuses.
i'm trying my hardest
and she sees it
but still, she tells me
when i was five, i didn't
have to try as hard
to make her smile but
somewhere along the years
that smile fell off.
she calls it disappointment.
i think she resents me.
the six months that we didn't speak
in junior year
were perhaps the longest months
in my life
and it hurt that you would choose
some other girl over me, who you called
and so i forgave you
:iconrebel-brat:rebel-brat 1 3
Never Ending Cycle
Grey in grey they rush along,
Hopeless, lifeless, old and worn.
And cowering in the corners sit
The poorest of the poorest.
They had no light, no hope, no future,
When suddenly out of the shadows
A lonely voice, soft but stubborn
Begins and new, inspiring song:
Colour fades and flowers die,
They won't re-bloom much as you try.
Forget the old, embrace the new,
And join me in my cheerful tune!

Ignored, unheard the song begins,
But confident it stays,
Singing softly, singing on,
Until another voice joins in.
See the light I will create,
A world of laughter, free of hate!
Join my song and share my desire,
Spread this song as fast as fire!

The movement spreads, the voices grow,
And soon in every shadow dark
The tune is sung and kept alive
And still more voices join the choir.
Old is old and soon forgotten,
This system to the core is rotten!
We want change and want it fast,
Come join us, or this pain will last!

And finally the change begins,
The fire spreads, brings
:iconanna-viktoria:Anna-Viktoria 12 4
i just want it all to end.
this rage
this disappointment
this self loathing
this empty.
i know right now this
is not where i want to be
but here i must stay
and so i linger
losing pieces of my soul
to the silent places
screaming loud with music
becoming emptier.
i want to rip apart my face
and tear my skin off
and step into another's place -
refund a new soul.
:iconrebel-brat:rebel-brat 1 1
little talks
i was ten.
i remember seeing the colours
bouncing off the rainbow
and capturing the goldfishes
with my nets.
i told her i wanted to be a movie director
and she told me to keep dreaming
so i did.
i saw the world in cinematic stills
simple black and white
and life was easy then
when i was ten
and i remember standing knee deep
in stale water
capturing the fishes with my net
so they'd be as trapped as me.
:iconrebel-brat:rebel-brat 2 9
Children, Culture, and The Idea of Ecstasy
How does one explain death to a child?
We are, but then we are not.
Does the purpose lie in our lungs,
or does it inhale our dying heat;
we are consumed by the blue tones of the ocean
and rather than under the dirt
the loss lives in our hearts,
pumping warm blood throughout cold veins
and we wish for things to be different,
but they aren't and we aren't,
instead we live in a culture that revels in sadness
and we worry who has it the worst
when no one has it the best,
we all live and breathe and die
and no one has ever thought to have told us
that we are not the sun;
we are gravity's children and we have no control,
though in our weakness we are beautiful,
because vulnerability settles on the skin like wet paint,
so let us soak in these acrylic affirmations,
and let us understand that our bodies never belonged to our souls,
oh yes, one day we will be together again,
living among the lights and the love and the clarity,
we will hold each other as if we never died,
because we never truly
:iconblackdahlia911:blackdahlia911 11 9


  • Listening to: Carlo Buck - Off Our Heads
This is yet another pledge to be around more often. I've spent a day in my bedroom reading and writing, catching up and so on. I love it on here. I think I need to spend more time alone.

I feel refreshed.

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I used to smoke my cigarettes
With rum and 5 gum on my breath
And all these times I don't regret
These times I've spent with you, my friends
People that I've always known
We've gotten drunk, we've gotten stoned
Its not like I would take it back
But don't you think there's more than that?

Its like I didn't know that I was falling
I mean, of course I knew, I just never hit the ground
And I only found my bed sometime this morning
Found it cold and wet, a head so full of clouds

The pile of shit is missing now
Its such a cold and empty house
The people that are here always,
They have my heart in many ways
The people that have come and gone
Mean nothing to me from now on
If I could do it all again,
I wouldn't wish a thing on them

But don't come around to my house
If all you want to do is fuck this all up
I'm working hard on my life
I don't know about you, but you can fuck off
I'm past the point where we can hug it out
And laugh this whole damn thing off
We had an idea but gave in to fear
And now my dreams are lost

... I couldn't find anything
More appropriate than silence
So I said fucking nothing to you
For months
I'm so sick of just pretending
I can't see the violence
So I'll just call it a day and give up
Rum and 5 Gum
The tail end of adolescence was a blast, but it took a lot of hard work and uncountable baby steps to get out of that emotional hole. I've been in a great place for long time now.

I hope that, whoever you are, you're either doing well, or at least working hard on it.
  • Listening to: Carlo Buck - Off Our Heads
This is yet another pledge to be around more often. I've spent a day in my bedroom reading and writing, catching up and so on. I love it on here. I think I need to spend more time alone.

I feel refreshed.


JunozPP's Profile Picture
Current Residence: Sydney
Favourite genre of music: Rock n' roll, metal, ska. Indie
Favourite photographer: Rowan McGarry (Pyratn)
Favourite style of art: Street
Operating System: Linux
MP3 player of choice: ipod nano
Personal Quote: I don't like air!


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kaamuz Featured By Owner Apr 30, 2015
Interesting texts... Come check my drawings 2, maby u'll dig them  x')
JunozPP Featured By Owner May 1, 2015
Thanks, will do :)
rebel-brat Featured By Owner Aug 15, 2014  Hobbyist Writer
how's my favourite deviant doing? (:
JunozPP Featured By Owner Sep 12, 2014
Not doing badly :) had a couple of rough weeks lately, but I'm feeling pretty good now. That is, besides the jarred wrist.
How are you?
CloudNumber8 Featured By Owner Mar 1, 2013   General Artist
thanks for the watch :)
JunozPP Featured By Owner Mar 1, 2013
It's well deserved :)
rebel-brat Featured By Owner Jan 21, 2013  Hobbyist Writer
challenge accepted. on finding u on fb :P
JunozPP Featured By Owner Jan 22, 2013
You shouldn't have. And I take no blame - this is your fault.
rebel-brat Featured By Owner Oct 22, 2012  Hobbyist Writer
JunozPP Featured By Owner Nov 2, 2012
Well. :)
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